Ten Common Conflict Resolution Mistakes - And How to Avoid Them

One of the most common and frustrating impediments to worker productivity is conflict between employees. In any organization, unresolved conflict can strain relationships, create tension and negativity, fuel office gossip, and dampen morale. I'm not talking here about the kind of open debate that results in enhanced creativity, collaboration, and innovation. Rather, I'm referring to the sort of every day conflict that makes life unpleasant and uncomfortable when it goes unaddressed.

Many of us struggle with finding the right approach to handling disputes and disagreements. We don't always get it right. Sometimes our efforts at dealing with conflict only make matters worse.

Whether you're engaged in a heated debate, a stubborn disagreement, or an outright feud, you'll need to take a strategic approach to resolving the problem. You'll be most effective if you avoid making these common mistakes.



In other words, here's what not to do:

1. Make assumptions — about the situation, the other person's perceptions, motivations, or reactions. You'll get a much clearer and more accurate picture by asking the other person directly.
   
   
2. Take it personally — it rarely is!
   
   
3. Look for blame. Instead, try to identify cause.
   
   
4. Avoid the problem. It'll only get worse, breed resentment, and resurface at a later date. You've simply got to deal directly with the issue at hand.
   
   
5. Attack the other person's character. That's just playing dirty. It will not help you work things out, and it will almost certainly have a lasting, negative impact.
   
   
6. Gossip — about the problem or about the other person involved. It's unprofessional and will only make matters worse.
   
   
7. Bring it up in public. This is a private matter to be resolved between you and the other party.
   
   
8. Bring it up when there's not enough time to address it. Instead, leave adequate time for a thorough discussion — or introduce the issue and schedule a time to resume talks in the immediate future.
   
   
9. Bring it up when you're angry, stressed, or feeling ill. That's a disservice to you and the other person involved. Wait until you're calm and feeling up to snuff.
   
   
10. Address the situation via email. Email leaves far too much room for misinterpretation. While we're on the subject, don't copy others on a personal matter. This will almost certainly make the other party feel defensive, angry, or humiliated. It won't, however, help resolve the problem.

About the Author

Liz Bywater, PhD, is a consultant and coach to corporate executives, professionals, and independent business owners. She consults, writes, and speaks on a variety of work-related topics, including workplace performance, outstanding leadership, effective communication skills, and work-life balance.

Dr. Bywater sits on the advisory board for Par Excellence magazine and is a member of the American Psychological Association, the Society for the Advancement of Consulting, the Cornell Entrepreneur Network, and Women Inventing Next. She is quoted frequently in the media and has been interviewed by the Wall Street Journal, the New York Times, and USA Today.

To learn more, visit her at www.BywaterConsultingGroup.com. To subscribe to her complementary e-newsletter, filled with practical tips for improving performance, send an email to info@BywaterConsultingGroup.com.